How To Negotiate Like a Pro

QUOTE OF THE DAY

NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE

499 Words | 1 Min 49 Sec Read

Several years ago, author Chris Voss was invited to a negotiating class at Harvard. The class instructor asked Chris to conduct a mock negotiation with one of the Harvard students.

In this mock negotiation, Chris was selling a product, and his counterpart was given a set budget to buy the product. Chris and the Harvard students went back and forth until they arrived at an agreed price.

When the instructor walked up to them and asked what the price was that you agreed upon, Chris told her, and she immediately burst out laughing.

She said, "Chris, you literally got every dime he had.”

The instructor was used to seeing her students split the difference between the minimum selling price the seller was given and the maximum budget the buyer was given.

These Harvard students knew every cutting-edge negotiating technique in the book, so how did Chris Voss convince them to give him their entire budget?

Well, Chris wasn't just some guy off the street; he was the lead hostage negotiator for the FBI, and after dozens of high-stakes negotiations with kidnappers around the world.

Chris Voss found that the key to getting what he wanted, avoiding compromises, and making the other side feel like they were treated fairly was tactical empathy.

Tactical empathy is the act of sincerely empathising with your counterparts and then getting them to empathise with your situation, and we are going to go through how you can use this yourself to get what you want.

Or understand how to help others and yourself... It's mutual benefit with a hint of manipulation.

Tactical empathy is the skill of making the other person feel heard; it’s the same method that therapists use in order to get their patients to open up so much, and the same principle applies to a negotiation. Your counterpart will be uncomfortable with you and rest your counteroffers until they feel heard.

Chris says that a negotiation doesn’t truly start until you hear your counterpart say the words 'that's right’ as that’s a sign of them agreeing that you understand how they feel.

In order to get a ‘that’s right’ you need to listen to the emotions behind their words and spot a deep care or concern related to the negotiation.

You can do this by using phrases such as:

• “It seems like..."

• “It sounds like..."

Once you’ve secured a ‘that’s right’ It means you have successfully emphasised their situation, and now it's time to get them to emphasise yours.

Chris says that the best way to get people to empathise with your situation is to ask calibrated questions.

Calibrated questions are open-ended questions that start with ‘how or what’ with the idea of turning a negotiation into a problem-solving question.

Using these, you will get one of two types of responses:

• Either you come up with a creative solution so that both of you get what you value most

• Or the counterpart will raise or lower their initial demand to accommodate you.

Either way, you get a response that is more in your favour.

TAKEAWAYS:

So, the next time you go into a negotiation, do the following:

Emphasise their situation and get a ‘that’s right’

Then get them to emphasise your situation and ask them to help you solve your problem. “How am I supposed to do that?"

If you can do this, then you’re on your way to mastering the art of negotiation.

BOOK OF THE WEEK ⤵️

The book of the week is ‘Never Split the Difference’ by Chris Voss, the ultimate book on negotiation and how to get what you want, when you want it. Check it out here!

CREATOR OF THE WEEK ⤵️

The creator of the week is @MattD’Avella, a long time youtube creator who has created some of the best self improvement content on the planet - check him out.

LESSON OF THE DAY ⤵️

You're allowed to allow yourself to not get upset by things that don't need to upset you, which is almost everything you get upset by.

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